Problem

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It’s exactly ten minutes past 6AM and I’m wide awake, thinking about my life. I usually think about my life only after I’d watched countless reels on Instagram, read an unbelievable number of articles on Medium and viewed select people’s Whatsapp statuses. There’s a lot on my mind today, my last semester’s results topping the list. If there’s a way I could stall the release of those results till my final year, I would. Why? I do not think my fragile heart is ready to handle what would become of my CGPA. Have you ever stepped out of an exam hall and told yourself “That was some bulls**t I wrote in there mehn…”?

That’s exactly what I did after my Family Law and Law of Contract exams, then proceeded to treat myself to a king sized burger from Chicken Republic. Anyone who came to discuss answers to the exam questions with me took to their heels as soon as they saw my face. Yesterday in Church, I prayed that God should perform some kind of miracle in my results but I stopped when I remembered that somebody said, “God won’t do for you what your brain is supposed to do." In my defense, nothing I read entered my head. I crammed some cases only for them to evaporate into the atmosphere. Fiam, just like that.

Every single day after the days I wrote those two papers, I have been tormented with flashbacks of what happened in the exam hall. Blackout. My brain shut down and restarted and kept hanging. And it was like my sight was failing me. And suddenly the hall was stuffy and I just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Person go just dey gbadun, next thing mood don change. In the first Contract Law class we had this semester, the Lecturer did a revision of our previous exam questions. During the class, a friend who was seated beside me handed the question paper to me and asked, “Which ones did you answer?"

After deeply looking at the paper, I shook my head and said to him, “I sincerely don’t remember." If he thought I was lying, I don’t know. But I didn’t remember sh*t. I still don’t.

I have this roommate who has spent every night for the past few days since she got served breakfast listening to heartbreak songs on Spotify. I don’t know what it’s like to go through a break up, but I’d gladly trade that for the emotional torture I’m going through right now.